How not to clean your house

Did you wake up this morning to the buzzing of a flock of house flies hovering over your kitchen sink as though it was heaped with a steaming pile of fresh manure? Did you need galoshes to wade past your bathtub and safely stand in the general vicinity of your toilet? Did you Hover-pee to avoid what your sure is some sort of plague that had to have crept UP from the septic tank because who in your home could produce something so vile looking?

I did.

Thank god I won a $1200 Merry Maids gift certificate from Capessa and Dawn dish detergent. My house should be sparkling in no time. Now if only I could win a set of cages to keep my various children and animals from roaming about my freshly cleaned home and mucking it up.