The Best News In A Bad Situation

~*~*~**~**~ Today I received a rather nasty Email, I can only imagine that it is in reference to the below post. It came from a now defunct Email address that was just a jumbled bunch of numbers. I have since deleted it, not wanting to feel it stab my heart over and over again. It read in part

"you must have done illegals drugs, drank or have been a bad person for your daughter to come out with a disease. God is punishing you and now your evil ways has affected her life. Autism doesn't just happen"


I hope you are as angery and incensed as I am. Who has the time to spend setting up an email account and dash off a rambling email filled with such hate? Who's life is SO PATHETIC that they have nothing else to do? And who is so COWARDLY to do this anonymously. Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one. It's obvious to me that you KNOW yours is WRONG when feel the need to hide your identity. I hope when your time comes to square yourself with your God, HE/SHE will give you a swift kick in the Karma and send you the fiery way or perhaps reincarnate you as some type of butt worm.

~*~*~*~**~*~*~

Recently I made an appeal for information regarding Mira's condition on a mental health board I belong to. At one point I stated:

the doctors told me point blank that she is high functioning enough that with the right intervention will seem normal. She will always have some struggles that other people don't deal with but she should function independently in the world just fine - the best news the parent of an autistic child can hope for

Someone then asked me to clarify what I meant by "the best news a parent of an autistic child can hope for." I sat staring at the screen with hundreds of words fighting to burst out at once. My mind raced with images of my childhood and projected images of what Mira's may be like. I mentally watched her grow, wincing as I felt the weight of the world on her. I took a deep breath and began typing my reply:

The best news that a parent of an ASD child can hear (in regards specifically to their diagnosis) is that their child has the highest probability of function on this earth independently.

This means that in all probability she can make it through what ever schooling she decides to take on

This means that she can one day live on her own, pay her own bills, control her own life

This means that as I age I will not have to constantly worry who will take care of her when I am gone

This means the world to me

As a parent, any diagnosis that has the potential to make your child's life more difficult is devastating (even if only temporarily). Your heart aches for the future they will mostly likely face, you know it will no longer be easy because it is apparent that they are different. Not different in a way that they have decided to be, but different in a way they must be to cope. That kind of different is like standing in a room with roman candles shooting out of your head. I know what it is like to be that kind of different, I have had bipolar tendencies for as long as I can remember (as well as OCD and GAD). I share many traits with my daughter, enough that some doctors have wondered if I might have been diagnosed as PDD-NOS had someone evaluated me at 4 or 5 or 6. I found a way to cope and function in this world. It was a hard rough ride, one I rather my daughter not transverse. I hate to say it but the punishing verbal abuse I suffered at home helped me to cope with the abuse I suffered at the hands of my peers. My daughter will never have that "benefit".

It left me feeling ragged, raw, and ripped open. There it was, spelled out. I face my fear now in black and white but I will face it every day, in living color, as I wave from the door and she steps out into the world.

I know that many of you are dealing with similar issues, perhaps you child is not autistic but spirited or high needs. The best book I have ever read, one that helped me to cope and better understand the situation is Raising Your Spirited Child I read the book when Mira was around 18 months old, just before Tessa was born. It clarified many feelings I had but could not put into words. It helped me to analyze myself and put myself in Mira's tiny shoes. Most importantly it reminded me that I was not alone in this fight and that motherhood isn't always sunshine and roses, sometimes it's screaming over the way a sock touches your toes. This is one to own and never lend out. On those really bad days you grab it up and let those dog eared pages slide over your brain like a soothing balm.

Currently at the insistence of my therapist I am reading and applying the principles laid out in I Love You Rituals . I am using them with Mira and Tessa. Today I made a concerted effort when picking Mira up from school. Instead of buckling her in and driving off, I took a minute to sing a silly song, do the hand movements and invite eye contact. It was the first peaceful ride home from school in ages. I am very excited to further delve into what this book has to offer me and my children.

Does anyone else have recommendations for books about spirited, high needs, or autistic children? I am open to all suggestions and will be heading to the library soon.

and for those who haven't been around recently check THIS out (or simply scroll down for gratuitous booty / booby pictures) and please help if you can!

Filed in: ASD autism life peers