HNT~ How Much Freedom?
Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday ya'll. This week I found myself face to face with the future. My nephew J is wobbling on the cusp of 9 years old. He is an extraordinarily bright, vivacious, and opinionated kid. Seeing him today made me think about how I grew up.
My freedoms were highly restricted. Clothing was not something I was allowed to choose as I pleased until I could pay for it (even then it could be taken at any point). Haircuts were a particularly sticky point in my house. I vividly remember my mom tricking me into a haircut at 10 - one that resulted in practically all my hair being removed. What could be worse to a fifth grade girl than walking into school with the bottom half of your head shaved? The only worse things was the betrayal I felt, the idea that my MOTHER would purposely make me a target of ridicule was too much to bear. For many years I simply blamed the stylist. Seeing my nephew not only dredged up these memories but it made me examine how I will face my children turning into little people.
My nephew had his ears pierced this year, and now he is sporting a mohawk. The mohawk was a fun byproduct of a neighborhood lice break out, but it's a mohawk none the less.
The piercings and the mohawk don't bother me, he actually looks darn cute. What does bother me is where does he go from here? If at 8 he has had such freedom, will he be tattooed at 9? If he has exhausted all of these avenues by 10 I shudder to think what lengths he will have to go too during his teen rebellion years.
I worry about giving my girls too much too young. I want them to have time to relish their childhoods, to worry about body altering personal expression at 13 or 16 or 51. I want to be more approachable and flexible on certain subjects than my own mother was but where should I draw the line?
My girls will not have pierced ears until they can care for them, I will monitor their clothing screening out shorts with "Flirt" on the butt, tummies will be covered, necklines will be modest, but one day they may turn up with blue hair...
How restrictive or open were your parents? How will you handle the development of independence and personality in your own children?
My freedoms were highly restricted. Clothing was not something I was allowed to choose as I pleased until I could pay for it (even then it could be taken at any point). Haircuts were a particularly sticky point in my house. I vividly remember my mom tricking me into a haircut at 10 - one that resulted in practically all my hair being removed. What could be worse to a fifth grade girl than walking into school with the bottom half of your head shaved? The only worse things was the betrayal I felt, the idea that my MOTHER would purposely make me a target of ridicule was too much to bear. For many years I simply blamed the stylist. Seeing my nephew not only dredged up these memories but it made me examine how I will face my children turning into little people.
My nephew had his ears pierced this year, and now he is sporting a mohawk. The mohawk was a fun byproduct of a neighborhood lice break out, but it's a mohawk none the less.
The piercings and the mohawk don't bother me, he actually looks darn cute. What does bother me is where does he go from here? If at 8 he has had such freedom, will he be tattooed at 9? If he has exhausted all of these avenues by 10 I shudder to think what lengths he will have to go too during his teen rebellion years.
I worry about giving my girls too much too young. I want them to have time to relish their childhoods, to worry about body altering personal expression at 13 or 16 or 51. I want to be more approachable and flexible on certain subjects than my own mother was but where should I draw the line?
My girls will not have pierced ears until they can care for them, I will monitor their clothing screening out shorts with "Flirt" on the butt, tummies will be covered, necklines will be modest, but one day they may turn up with blue hair...
How restrictive or open were your parents? How will you handle the development of independence and personality in your own children?
posted by Fidget @ Thursday, May 04, 2006
25 Comments:
At 11:49 PM,
Phain said…
I wonder sometimes if restrictive behavior in parents skip generations (like twins?) - my grandparents were very lenient with my mother, my mother was very strict with us, I find myself hovering between lenient and lazy, and constantly wonder what type of parents my children will become.
ooohhh all this deep thought makes me woozy...
At 11:46 PM,
lecram sinun said…
OK... the kiddie mowhawk rocks! Cheers and Happy HNT!
At 11:51 PM,
Lee Ann said…
Wow, that is some doo!
Cute!
Happy HNT!
At 11:57 PM,
Crimson said…
I love it..too too cute ;) HHNT
At 7:01 AM,
Figgy said…
As far as tattoos and body piercing, I say you have to wait until you can take care of it yourself and be able to drive yourself to the doctors if it gets infected. My hair was manic panic purple when I met my husband @ 18, so I'm more lenient on hair. It grows back and color washes out. The kiddie mohawk is adorable. Theres nothing wrong with expression as long as its for the right reasons. Really theres no reason for a 14 yr old girl to get her clit pierced. But little girls do look adorable with stud earrings. I wouldn't worry about it just yet. Dems still babies.
At 8:31 AM,
motherhooduncensored said…
Yeah. It's cute, however, it wouldn't fly in my home. I'm thinking they'll have to wait until they have "teen" in their age - and then they'll have to get it by the huz...
At 8:35 AM,
rhonda said…
My parents were very restrictive of my clothes, etc. I will be (and am now) with my kiddos :)
At 12:33 AM,
Jaichan said…
I have foolishly thick, wavy hair. My parents kept in that mushroom cut you would find on Joey Lawrence and his brothers.
Eww.
I was allowed to grow it when I could take care of it myself.
I promptly shaved the side of it off.
As for clothing, they were cool. I was one of those super preppy, no makeup kinda girls... to the point where my mom actually once told me to loosen up.
At 7:20 AM,
lime said…
wow. those are all really good questions you consider. i'm in the thick of it myself with teens and preteens. cute pic HHNT
At 7:42 AM,
Lyvvie said…
Far better than the average lice wiffle.
Trendy boy.
Hope you have a lovely HNT, and even better weekend.!!
At 8:01 AM,
cmhl said…
my parents were extremely conservative 50's type parents, we were NEVER allowed to wear anything revealing or sexy..
that changed when I went to college. heh.
and THAT is what I am worried about, my parents couldn't have been more moral, etc, but it was kind of stifling, so I branched out when I went to college. and felt guilty about it..
with my own kids, I kind of have a middle ground, I'm with you, no shorts with writing on the butt, nothing "sexy".. I hate to see when parents let their kids grow up too fast and not be kids. you know? Mine definitely dress like kids.
and I'm with you-- what more does the nephew have to aspire to? BUT, maybe he WON"T rebel. who knows.
At 6:41 AM,
landismom said…
That is cool-looking, but I agree on your point in general. My six-year-old is convinced she's the last kid on earth to get her ears pierced--we have a deal that she can do it when she's eight. I couldn't get mine done till I was 13, so I feel lenient, but it is true that lots of her friends have them already.
At 10:11 AM,
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said…
I don't know, I always figure that hair grows back.
My parents let us pierce our ears, but I had to wait until I was 11 and my brother had to wait until he was 16.
My thought (and my kids aren't even two yet, so we'll see where I actually end up) is I'll just wait until they ask, and then as long as it isn't something permanent, or prohibitively expensive, I will let them.
That being said - my husband had a mohawk in highschool, so it seems pretty normal to us.
At 10:23 AM,
Fidget said…
The mohawk and piercings are not foreign to us in anyway. Many of our friends and family are covered in tats and piercings, heck I've designed a few tatas for friends but am too chickenshit to get one. My point is where does he go from here? Maybe his big teenage rebellion will be turning into a pressed pants republican preppy. I mean He'd have to go pretty extreme otherwise to rebel against his parents. Mom has tongue, multiple ear, navel and nose piercings along with afew tats and dad has ears and MASSIVE arm tats.
At 11:22 AM,
T. said…
I gave my three year old son a mohawk before he went to preschool. I wanted all the other kids to know not to mess with him! And my eight year old is currently sporting one now. And I have dyed all three of my kiddies hair-purple, pink and green. We were the hit of Redneck County!
But piercings and tattoos. My daughter just got her ears done and she is nine. One hole in each ear, that's my limit. If my son wants a piercing, well, he'd have to convince his dad, and then I might consider it.
No to the tatts. If they can drive, and forge my signature, well then, go crazy!
At 11:43 AM,
Karen Rani said…
I let my oldest do what he wants to his hair - which is the occassional blue dyed hair gel spiky thing. It's cute. The mohawk is freaking awesome though!
At 3:33 PM,
Melanie said…
I firmly agree about giving them things to early. What will they have to look forward too? My teenage girls know this very well, because it is the exact reason they did not have cell phones at age 10 like the rest of their friends. In fact, at 13 and 14, they still do not have them. When they are old enough to pay for them...fine. I do make sure their clothes are appropriate and not revealing but let them have free reign with their hair. They can do whatever they want with it. Piercing,tattoos, thongs and everything else are on hold until age 18.
I am told I am strict by them, but told I am totally cool by their friends (who have everything). Kids need guidance to grow, plain and simple.
Ok this is becoming a book! Sorry, you got my on a rant.
At 2:53 PM,
Undercover Angel said…
It's only hair and it will grow back. By letting them rebel in little ways you can sometimes keep them from rebelling in bigger ways.
At 2:40 PM,
Awesome Mom said…
We had to keep the clothing modest but my parents did not fight with us as long as it was covering what it needed to. Hair rules were pretty loose because it can grow back. If you dyed your hair koolaide red and were not wanting it to end up that way you were the one that had to pay to fix it (my youngest sister did that one). Tatoos and anything permanent were a big no no. I think that those rules are what I will be doing with my boys. That way there are some limits but they can still have fun with their apperance.
At 9:27 PM,
cmhl said…
hey girl, thank you for renting my blog!!! I have never done it before, so tell me if I am or am not doing something!!!! thank you!
At 10:39 PM,
Alyssa said…
The more freedom you give a child at a very young age the less they will crave it once they are adults..
Take my dad for example, strict militant family, busted out of the marine core and got pierced and tattooed and grew his hair long and dyed it black and joined a goth rock band.
Me, given a little more freedom when I was young, able to dye my hair, allowed to get my ears pierced, 15 I was given permission to pierce my belly button but decided against it.... Got out of my mothers home, have two tattoos and only my ears are pierced..
=o)
I really believe it to be true.....
At 1:25 PM,
Velma said…
In high school, I was a band geek and never even considered doing anything wild. A short Joyce DeWitt style haircut was about as crazy as I got. But I called my parents my freshman year in college and asked, "What would you say if I told you I dyed a platinum blond streak in my hair?" My mother's exact quote was, "As long as you are neat and disease free, I don't care what you do to your hair." Heh.
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