Support PBS Or ELSE!

PBS vengeance, one might scoff at the very thought. Yesterday at approximately 5:32 (I say approximated because I was unaware of the exact second), PBS went to static. I was momentarily relieved to be freed of Ord's annoying voice, but my relief soon turned to panic upon snapping on the TV this morning. I was horrified to discover PBS is still static, no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I swear I heard mothers across my city howl in unison as a small chant broke forth from all the preschool spawn "Clifford? Clifford? I want Cliffooooooooooooord"

I know that your children probably wake up with a smile, hair perfectly coifed, teeth gleaming and bring you breakfast in bed but my children wake up practically breathing fire. I have resorted to a morning routine of chucking drinks in their general direction as they sit slack jawed in front of the TV for a minimum of 30 minutes. Only then can I attempt to dress them, or even acknowledge them with words. I have come to depend on Barney (shudder) or Caillou (even bigger shudder) to provide me with a solid 30 minutes of showering time. Without their hypnotic effects I emerge from the shower with trepidation. Typically discovering a mammoth flood, marker explosion, small fire, shaved animal, feral cat colony, empty bottle of liquor, a dead hooker or other generally undesirable aftermath.

If you noticed an odor when you surfed in today, yea, that's me - there is no way I can risk a show. When Mira exited the car for school I think I saw the safety patrol recoil in horror as my musk wafted to his nose while assisting Mira out of the car. He was in such a hurry to escape he shut his sash in my door and was nearly dragged home with me. It was during that car ride I found out what happened to PBS. While listening to NPR (shut up I know I am a mega geek, but at least I am a WELL INFORMED mega geek), they announced that PBS would probably be down for the rest of the day... I think that bears repeating THE REST OF THE DAY (gasp, shock, moan) !!! Fear not, cable subscribers can still view PBS but the rest of us suckling at the teat of rabbit ears are screwed. A "very important element" in the tower dun broked, then the back-up dun broked. Now only those shelling out money to the cable companies can still view PBS. Personally I think this is a warning shot - pay up or ELSE. Yes, next time they run a pledge drive Betty White will be standing there with tailors scissors (have you ever seen a pair of those they are HUGE and very threatening). She'll be brandishing them towards the camera and expounding on the importance of paying to support PBS. When your pledge fails to come through their phone lines she'll severe your PBS connection forever, leaving you to retrain your kids to be satisfied with Regis and Kelly or Elimidate.