Year end review - spotty at best

There are things that stand out sharply in my mind that have happened in the past year and other that are fuzzy. I guess I should document whats happened in my household before I go totaly senile

Bro in law moved out of my house. Not much to say except thank god the only piss I'll be mopping off my floor from now on will be from my family.

Mira turned 2. MIL demon hose beast from hell came to the birthday party looking for an argument. After picking at all the guest, bro in law finally gave her a fight - only it was not the one she was looking for. Thankfully I have not heard much from her since.

I turned 25 and hearing Johnny Cash sing NIN "Hurt" made me feel 50

Mira drank half a bottle of Astro Glide type lube, she is now a fiend for it and it has to be well hidden

Sister in law, her husband and their son move in

We sold our townhouse, abandoning the intrusive Home Owners Association.

Bought a dog - Dozer a white American bulldog

We purchased a new much bigger home in the ghetto, this made me almost miss the abrasive Home Owners Association

We showered in the yard due to remodeling

We showered in the yard due to hurricane

My parents offended me and crushed my feelings

Brother in law got married. Offended me by not inviting me citing that only blood family would be there, then invited the neighbors and bro in laws old girlfriend.

We got hit by 2 more hurricanes

Sister in law got hit by her husband

We threw her husband out - she went with him

Tessa turned 1 - we didnt have a big party, instead we avoided the family trauma and drama and had cake

I aced financial accounting and signed up for managerial accounting

We protested Thanksgiving and threw some steaks on the grill (the steaks were bought Thanksgiving Day)

I started taking Lexapro after near total breakdown

then you know all the Xmas and such


These are the things that have stuck out in my mind. I reserve the right to revise this at anytime to make myself look better
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50 things I will never do

50) Bottle my boogers and sell them on eBay (I could still opt to sell toenail clippings).

49) Wear anything that says "Bling" on it

48) Vote for a Bush

47) Screw the library - I always pay my fines!

46) Return said library books on time

45) Become vegan- I just love me some eggs and cheese and ohhh milk chocolate!!!

44) Soap box derby race. Those little cars seems sooo claustrophobic

43) Finish the renovation on my new house. There is no way it will ever be done shit just keeps falling apart

42) Say the word "Cod" without snickering or silently thinking "cod sack" in my head

41) weigh over 400 lbs. If I ever got close I would break never number 50 and sell my boogers and what ever else I could on eBay to get the money to have that fat sucked out.

40) own a gun

39) pluck a chicken

38) trust a garden gnome

37) intentionally eat any bug

36) get over my fear of spiders

35) get over my fear of needles

34) get over my fear of midgets ( I still have nightmares of a one armed midget chasing me around)

33) disown my mother. I recognize she is emotionally stunted and disfunctional

32) Join a cult

31) become a bible thumper

30) Quit dreaming

29) forget to take my daily aspirin

28) live in a house will all white walls

27) shut up

26) own an indoor cat

25) own a prairie dog

26) visit the arctic

25) fly an airplane (my dad was a pilot, he died in a plane crash)

24) Live in Boca Raton (again)

23) drink 14 shots of Bacardi rum in one hour (again)

22) Swim across the ocean

21) Fart in church

20) own a Hummer or H2

19) Drive a limo

18) ride on a tandem bike (again)

17) flip the breaker while hubby is still working on it (again... Ouch)

16) have a bee hive hairdo

15) grow a handlebar mustache

14) take up taxidermy

13) Swim in an Olympic sized pool of jello

12) wear a size 8 or less

11) beat up a girl who's a size 3 just for being a size 3 (again)

10) Use grannie panties as a parachute

9) Forget to shave my legs for more than 2 months (those last 2 months of pregnancy are a bitch, can't see my legs, let alone shave em!)

8) willingly join the Army or any branch of the us armed forces

7) make Martha Stewart my roll model

6) grasp the complex subject of astro physics

5) give up on my talents

4) pass up a piece of cheesecake

3) make my kids truly believe that I don't love them

2) join The Village People

1) forget that I am human too